I have to admit that I went out last night.
Stoley and I went to Brooklyn to our friends Mark and Liz’s apartment to eat Chicago’s Famous Portillo’s Italian beef sandwiches. My mother-in-law mailed them to me (us) so time was of the essence. It was a good reason to be tardy to the ceremony, those sandwiches are so wrong in the best way, a moist beef filled bun, pause.
When we finally started to watch the ceremony the protein made us all cocky and commenty . We got in it when the Native Canadians, Natives, were dancing around the jumbo zombie totem poles. Shortly after this the countries’ teams were announced in alphabetical order while the Natives danced around. The team parade, The Parade of Nations, was long but it became a fun game of trying to guess the population and number of athletes of each country, rating the uniforms and flags (Bermuda shorts and Nepal flag were #1) and keeping an eye on the ever tiring dancing, spinning Natives. One of the parade’s highlights was the thankful alphabetical seperation of Iran and Isreal by the jovial Irish team. Ok, so all of that was kind of normal and expected with the exception of having the Natives dancing non stop. And then it just got lame. Nelly Furtado and Bryan Adams lypsanch the required inspirational song. Not surprising the song was bad and uninspiring. Furtado and Adams paced back and fourth atop a white disc surrounded by the ever spinning Natives, who looked like they were about to die. Theennn the Natives danced for snow, yes more dancing and yes it snowed, so what. Canadian, Donald Sutherland narrated a weird, boring and cryptic artsy fartsy piece. A job better suited for William Shatner, also a Canadian. This is when I had had enough and decided to go home. By the time I was bundled up Liz yelled to us that a magical Polar bear was rising from the floor. It wasn’t the thing to keep me around.
Maybe I ate through the best part of the ceremony but I doubt it. I had been so excited for the big theatrical part of the Olympics. I know I missed most of it but I had hoped it would be like ceremonies of the past. Like Bejing’s “amazing” Opening Ceremony. But the Chinese had fireworks on their side and the Canadians were using the story of Canada as the big show stopper. Snore. I wanted bells and whistles (insert Whilstler Mountain reference here) not a history lesson.
Don’t worry, I will not let the lame ceremony hinder my excitement or my coverage.
As a parting gift I am including this photo of the cauldron lighting malfunction. It’s when the fourth “leg” doesn’t get it up. Oh, limp dicks!