Happy Birthday Madonna!

Now, will someone PLEEAASE get me the Danny Aiello “Pappa Only Wants The Best For You” video! It would be an early and awesome birthday present for me!

I didn’t know it would be like this…I watched and I watched until I could watch no more. Like a wise friend once said to me in reference to seeing yet another reality show “what am I, made outta eyeballs?”.  That’s how I felt.

Thanks for the gang bang, Olympics.  ’Til next time.  Now is that in two years or four?

I’m coming up for a breath after being all up in the Olympic grill.  I’ve watched around 24 hours of Olympic competitions.  It’s the most amount of time I’ve ever spent on anything sports-like unless you count the amount of time I have spent watching MAN VS. FOOD.  I know now that extreme eating is not an athletic event.  But I am eating, eating it up, all of it!  I am being spoon fed a dream and yum, yum it tastes good and I want more.  I am way into it, the whole thing. I weep at the hard luck stories, wince at the list of injuries, sneer at the villains and cheer for the come back kids.

I’m finding that my loyalty is not nation exclusive.  I was so excited when Czech Republic speed skater Martina Sablikova won the gold medal in the 3000 meter race having known that she was forced to practice in Germany because her country had no skating oval of it’s own. I secretly had hoped Canadian turncoat and moguls skier Dale Begg-Smith would win the gold medal instead of the silver for his Australian team.  And yet when Canadian moguls skier Alexandre Bilodeau won the gold in the same race I screamed for joy. After all, this was the first gold medal the Canadians had ever won on their own land. It was a historical moment and I teared up.

Fer sure I have some American favorites too!  I loved watching our guys win a medal in the Nordic Combined event.  This was the first time we had ever won a medal in this wacky ski jump/ cross-country mash up since the competition began in 1924.  I was especially proud of Bill Demong who came from behind and placed 6th in the cross-country leg.  He had trained long and hard after suffering a skull fracture from a diving accident.  Jeez Louise, that is dedication!  How about that adorable speed skater J.R. Celeski bringing home the bronze?  This guy didn’t even think he was going to live much less compete after the gory leg slice he self-inflicted with his own skate just missing his femoral artery. Not all of my favorite U.S. athletes come with extreme injuries. Of course I will root for super star snow boarder, Shaun White.  I’m looking forward to him schooling the world with his talent and I have a soft spot for a badass ginger.  I can’t wait!

I have to admit that I went out last night.

Stoley and I went to Brooklyn to our friends Mark and Liz’s apartment to eat Chicago’s Famous Portillo’s Italian beef sandwiches.  My mother-in-law mailed them to me (us) so time was of the essence.  It was a good reason to be tardy to the ceremony, those sandwiches are so wrong in the best way, a moist beef filled bun, pause.

When we finally started to watch the ceremony the protein made us all cocky and commenty .  We got in it when the Native Canadians, Natives, were dancing around the jumbo zombie totem poles.  Shortly after this the countries’ teams were announced in alphabetical order while the Natives danced around.  The team parade, The Parade of Nations, was long but it became a fun game of trying to guess the population and number of athletes of each country, rating the uniforms and flags (Bermuda shorts and Nepal flag were #1) and keeping an eye on the ever tiring dancing, spinning Natives.  One of the parade’s highlights was the thankful alphabetical seperation of Iran and Isreal by the jovial Irish team.  Ok, so all of that was kind of normal and expected with the exception of having the Natives dancing non stop.  And then it just got lame.  Nelly Furtado and Bryan Adams lypsanch the required inspirational song.  Not surprising the song was bad and uninspiring.  Furtado and Adams paced back and fourth atop a white disc surrounded by the ever spinning Natives, who looked like they were about to die.  Theennn the Natives danced for snow, yes more dancing and yes it snowed, so what.  Canadian, Donald Sutherland narrated a weird, boring and cryptic artsy fartsy piece.  A job better suited for William Shatner, also a Canadian.  This is when I had had enough and decided to go home.  By the time I was bundled up Liz yelled to us that a magical Polar bear was rising from the floor.  It wasn’t the thing to keep me around.

Maybe I ate through the best part of the ceremony but I doubt it.  I had been so excited for the big theatrical part of the Olympics. I know I missed most of it but I had hoped it would be like ceremonies of the past. Like Bejing’s “amazing” Opening Ceremony.  But the Chinese had fireworks on their side and the Canadians were using the story of Canada as the big show stopper.  Snore.   I wanted bells and whistles (insert Whilstler Mountain reference here) not a history lesson.

Don’t worry, I will not let the lame ceremony hinder my excitement or my coverage.

As a parting gift I am including this photo of the cauldron lighting malfunction.  It’s when the fourth “leg” doesn’t get it up.  Oh, limp dicks!

Five days ‘til The 2010 Winter Olymipic Opening Ceremonies, the torch is in Abbotsford, B.C. and there’s no snow atop Cypress Mountain! Drama… I guess I’m getting excited. I’ve heard that a lot of crazy things happen at these ceremonies.  In preparation for the Olympic games thing I pumped myself up by doing some on line shopping. Why not?  I cruised Etsy.com, the craftiest site I know, to find some handmade and homespun Olympic flare.

I thought these invites were cute and I like the idea of people gathering with their spirit in tow for an opening ceremony party.  I’m pretty sure I don’t know anyone who will be doing this but I’ll keep checking my mailbox.

This Scarf?  caught my eye but I’m afraid my cats and friends will attack me if I wear it.  I don’t want to start off my Olympic experience in a tragic way.

The seller’s other suggestions for this “scarf” are belt, headband and window garland. No, No and no.

The best thing, winged thing, I found really blew my mind.  It’s a “regular contoured organic fleece and hemp menstrual pad” featuring Canadian skiers.  Really?  This crafty beaver makes menstrual pads, panty liners, thong liners (which is what all the hippies are wearin’) and wet bags.

I don’t think the Olympians will appreciate this kind of spirit.

I may just have to go corporate with my spirit.  So that leaves me with some cold refreshing Coca Cola, delicious McDonald’s, ground breaking Acer technology, beautiful Omega time pieces, state of the art audio/digital Panasonic equipment, convenient Visa payment services, Samsung’s advanced wireless telecomunication products and the vast IT systems of Atos Origin.

Ahhh Yes, now I am in the Spirit!

Can’t wait until Friday.  Check your local listings for the airtime in your time zone.

I have some time on my hands and even though NBC got rid of Conan I am going to embrace the Winter Oylmpics.  I don’t know why.  Maybe this is the year I start liking sports and why not start with The Olympics?  I’m genuinely excited.  I guess you could say I have Olympic Fever.  Here I come opening ceremony! (Please don’t suck)